Let’s admit it. We all have crazy thinking. If you are alive and still breathing, you can’t escape a little crazy thinking now and then. Some people have more crazy thinking than others, and some less. But it’s a universal experience.
Sometimes it’s hard to identify in ourselves, but it’s there. We have thoughts that run through our heads that if we told them to others, we might discover they are crazy. But as long as we keep them inside, they make sense to us.
When I’m talking about crazy thinking, I’m not talking about mental illness. What I want you to get out of this short post is that we all have thinking that holds us back in life, keeps us from being successful, and tears at our self-esteem.
It’s easier to identify in others and we’ve all had that experience when we hear what others believe or think and we say to ourselves, “That’s crazy”. It probably is crazy, but to that person it makes absolute sense.
The reason for this is that crazy thinking is rooted in the psychology of mistaken beliefs. Mistaken beliefs are things that seem true to us, but are not true in reality. These beliefs are formed early in life, from the time we are born through the age of six.
In these first 6 years, children are learning mostly through observing the behavior of the significant adults in their life. For most of us, these adults are our parents or from any adult that has significance and influence over us. During this time children are forming their understanding of their worldview.
Our worldview includes:
What men are and what men supposed to be
What women are and what women supposed to be
What the world is like
Who they are (self-concept)
Who they should be (self-ideal)
One of the most important concepts I leaned in my graduate studies in psychology is that children are great observers but not always good interpreters. If you have kids, you know what I mean by “kids are great observers”. Children have an uncanny ability to read our emotions-they can tell when we are happy, sad, or angry. They notice details and keep track of promises we soon forget. Trying telling a child, “Maybe we can go out for ice-cream later” without suffering a barrage of questions about when and can we go now? Kids are like sponges that soak up experiences and information.
While being great observers, kids are not always good interpreters. Here are a couple of examples: If you do something repeatedly for a child that they can do for themselves, like tie their shoes (and I’ve guilty of this because I just want to get out the door) kids may come up with the conclusion that they aren’t capable. If you tell a child that their ideas aren’t good, they may come up with the conclusion that they are not smart. If you take over a project for a child so it turns out better, they may come up with the conclusion that they should always be perfect. These beliefs are subconscious and if they are reinforced over time they become rooted in our self-concept.
The truth is that the child is capable, smart, and doesn’t have to be perfect but they don’t have the emotional and mental maturity to process it differently. As a result they end up with a mistaken belief about themselves. Through other observations and misinterpretations they may also come up with mistaken beliefs about men, women, and how the world works.
These mistaken beliefs are at the core of our crazy thinking.
You don’t have to grow up in a hugely dysfunctional family to have crazy thinking because it’s a natural part of life that kids will make some misinterpretations now and then. What’s more important is that we understand we have crazy thinking, but it doesn’t have to control our lives. With insight and a good strategy, we can put a kibosh of on our crazy thinking so we can move forward in the areas of life that are important to us.
So that you don’t think I’m above it all, I’ve had my own bouts with crazy thinking and I still do. A prime example of this is I used to struggle with the belief that I wasn’t capable. I’m not sure what led to this wrong interpretation, but I don’t blame my parents. These misinterpretations are part of life because life is not perfect. But this crazy thinking dogged me for years, especially when it came to my health. Think about this, if you have the core belief that you are not capable, what happens when you fail a diet? Ultimately, it confirms your belief that you aren’t capable. It’s a vicious cycle of where your belief sets you up for not succeeding and your failure confirms your belief.
The truth was that I was capable of losing weight, in fact over the course of my life; I’ve lost weight many times. But the problem with crazy thinking is that we tend to focus more on our failures than our successes. This focus on failure reinforced my belief that I wasn’t capable, which led to more failure.
Here are two simple strategies for getting rid of our crazy thinking so we can embrace reality.
- Tell someone what you are thinking. It’s amazing how soon we realize what we are thinking is crazy when we say the belief out loud to a trusted person. Sometimes the thought just vanishes right there because we are confronted with a thought we know isn’t true. But as long as we keep it inside our heads, it will haunt us with negativity.
- Gather evidence on why the crazy thought isn’t true. In the case of my belief that I wasn’t capable, I started gathering evidence about how I was capable in life. I was capable at school, in relationships, and presenting ideas to others. I was capable of solving problems, turning my financial life around, and building my career. Even in my failures with my health, I had times where I lost weight and kept it off for a year. I was capable, but I ignored that evidence.
When you sound out your crazy thinking and gather compelling evidence of their falsehood, you will be able to replace them with a truer picture of who you are and what you can achieve. If the crazy thinking returns, bombard it with more evidence and share it with others until it goes away.
This isn’t brain surgery, but it is an incredibly helpful strategy to change our thinking so we can achieve success in our health, our relationships, and our careers, or anything else that is important to you.
If your crazy thinking has an incredibly strong foothold in your life and these two strategies aren’t helping, I highly encourage you to seek out the help of a professional counselor. Sometimes a little professional help is all you need to get unstuck and get moving forward in your life.
Crazy thinking and mistaken beliefs are closely related to pessimism and I encourage you to go my podcast archives and listen to episodes 13 through 15 which go into greater detail about pessimism, optimism, and how to transform pessimistic thinking.