When people engage in comparing themselves to others they rarely come out on top. A Narcissist, on the other hand, has an inflated ego due to an inner world of self-doubt. The narcissistic behavior is an overcompensation for this inner reality. That is not most of us.
In my life when I make comparisons to other people I usually don’t come out ahead. If I do, it’s probably a leaning toward an improperly inflated ego. Most of the time, I find myself lacking and it can be a discouraging place to live.
I think a lot of people struggle with this too. We live in a culture that thrives on external cues of wealth, looks, and possessions. It’s hard not to play the comparison game.
When we make comparisons, we often look to personal wealth, success, or beauty. We also compare ourselves with others’ homes, clothing, and cars. Why are comparisons usually not helpful?
Comparisons are mostly about what we don’t have:
- We don’t make enough money
- We don’t have a bigger, more expensive house
- We are not as fit and attractive
- We are not as successful
- We don’t have as many friends
- We are not as smart
What is amazing about comparisons is so much of what we perceive doesn’t exist like we think it does.
Photos in magazines are altered and even if they are not we are looking at models that are small percentage of the population and have genetics that I don’t. No matter how hard I work out and how much weight I lose, I don’t think I’ll have six pack abs. I’d be happy with a two pack.
Facebook and other forms of social media are filled with images of happy people and families, but it’s rare someone posts a picture of an unhappy time in life. We project our best selves or the selves we hope to be in social media. If something looks too perfect, it’s not.
We all get sucked into thinking that someone has it better because of what we can see externally and it’s a total misnomer. Life is imperfect and a bigger house, more money, and better looks cannot protect you from that.
Back in the ’80s there was a show called “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” which led you on tours of expensive homes and outrageous lifestyles. One multimillionaire summed it up perfectly, “Make no mistake about it”, he said, “Money doesn’t make you happy. It just gives you more choices.”
The problem is that when we focus on what we don’t have:
- We become dissatisfied with what we do have
- We become frustrated with who we are
- We become more anxious and depressed
- We become impatient in our own process
- We think we have to be something we are not
I’ve noticed how I forget how much I really have in life when I do the comparison game. When I take a look at how much I have to be grateful for, the dissatisfaction of comparisons seems to dissipate.
A great way to get out to get out of this cycle is to do a few simple things.
- Reflect on what you have to be grateful for
- Focus on someone who could use your help or friendship
- Remember more stuff really can’t make you happy
- Repeat steps 1-3
If you catch the theme here, it’s all about living life with gratitude and looking inward for our sense of self-worth.
Don’t play the comparison game. It’s not worth playing.