How often do we say or do things to people we love that we regret?
If life were perfect the answer would be “never”. But the reality is that we are all flawed and will cross the line into hurtful words and actions.
Healthy relationships are not conflict free. Conflict is a part of life, but what sets healthy relationships apart from unhealthy, is the ability to repair after conflict.
Psychologist and researcher Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues has studied the interactions and conversations of thousands of couples. He has found that a key to healthy relationships is the ability to:
1. Repair through words and actions that say “I’m sorry”.
2. Work to build trust through exploring the life of the person you love with questions and listening.
Listen to podcast above and hear a short excerpt of a speech given by John Gottman on this topic. Plus I summarize my thoughts on why saying “I’m sorry” is difficult for us and addition steps for building our relationships so our repairs are helpful.
If you’d like to read more on this topic I highly recommend John Gottman’s book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
His strategies apply to our relationships with our spouses, partners, children and friends.